OK, now that those do-gooders have moved on elsewhere, I can impart some important information for all of you deviant wastes of skin. If the idea of spending a decade or more passed around in the prison shower is the only thing that keeps you from raping or sexually assaulting children, then I have some good news for you. Pack up your bags and move to Paris. Illinois, that is. 

Here’s why. Back about a year ago, Anthony J. Boyer of Paris faced one count of predatory criminal assault of a child, which carries a mandatory prison term, and one count of aggravated criminal sexual abuse, which does not, each having to do with an 11-year-old girl. Last November, Boyer entered a guilty plea to the second charge, thereby avoiding the mandatory sentence. Still, Boyer could have landed his temptingly chubby behind behind prison walls for up to fourteen years.  

Then, on April 21, Illinois Fifth Judicial Circuit Court judge James R. Glenn sentenced Boyer to four years’ probation, along with 364 days and work release in the county jail, successful completion of a sex offender treatment program, and $5,000 in fines and costs. The judge also made Boyer pay for any counseling for the child victim, and told him to keep away from anyone under the age of 18, except for his own child, and only then with supervision. 

Now, before you pervs flinch at the thought of doing a year in the Edgar County Jail, look on the bright side. You can get out during the day and move around the community as part of your work release, stretch your legs, say “hi” to your friends, breathe clean, country air, and maybe see some little kids walking around the town square to give you something to think about when you’re in your bunk at night. Then, after a year, all you gotta do is report to your probation officer. Any other county in the country would have you dropping the soap for guys named Bubba for a very long and painful time. 

Well, that’s not entirely true. There’s that doofus judge out in Maryland who sentenced a father to four months in jail for having sex with his 1-year-old daughter for seven straight years. And, there’s that nitwit judge in Nebraska who refused to send a man to prison for raping a 13-year-old girl because she felt he was not tall enough. Then there’s the moron in Boston who gave probation to a transgendered man who raped an 11-year-old boy. Oh, yeah, that idiot judge in Alabama who gave probation to a man who admitted sodomizing his three adopted sons. 

Anyway, once you’ve done your soft time, you can mingle with others of your ilk living in Paris. Folks like Edgar Dulaney who was 62 when he assaulted a 12-year-old; Jerald Henness who was 60 years older than his 5-year-old victim; Michael Jay Howard whose victim was 6-years-old; Charles Melvin Loveless who was 41 and his victim 8; Rodney Lynn Tingley whose victim was 9 at the time of his abuse, as was Debra Toothman’s prey. A real beauty with a bad-*ss photo is Daniel Eugene Nail who was 39 when he sexually assaulted his 12-year-old victim. 

There are plenty more, such as Daniel James Barley who was 47-years-old when he lured a 10-year-old into his vehicle; and Christopher Dwayne Kennedy who was 17 when he committed two acts of sexual abuse on an 8-year-old. 

In all, Paris has 44 child-sex criminals registered with the state (www.isp.state.il.us/sor) out of a population of a bit more than 9,000. They gotta live somewhere, and in a small town, folks can keep an eye on them easier, I guess. 

Not far from the ranch is Galveston, Texas, where more than 100 of your kind walk the streets along with the other 57,400 residents. There could be a whole lot more pedophiles and sex criminals on the island, but the Texas Department of Public Safety site (https://records.txdps.state.tx.us/DPS_WEB/Sor/index.aspx) returns only the first 100 hits.  

Getting back to Paris, though, one wonders what the good folks of my hometown think about some judge putting another one of you on the streets, even if Boyer will be on a short leash for a year. One would think a small-town judge would consider the community impact of the light sentence, its affect on economic development, and the message it sends to the town’s children. 

But, maybe he doesn’t care. Justice is supposed to blind. In this case, he’s an out-of-towner from over in Charleston.