Here’s the question: When does theft become an unfortunate mistake, or asset liberation, or a temporary change of possession, or an alternate utilization of private property, or wealth sharing, or nothing more than an act of a modern Robin Hood?

That’s a question faced by University of South Florida administrators and lawyers in the local state attorney’s office over the past several days as they looked into the strange case of Abdul Rao, soon-to-be former senior associate vice president for research at the USF College of Medicine. Here’s what happened. Last week, according to published reports, Rao drove his minivan to the loading dock of USF’s  Johnnie B. Byrd Sr. Alzheimer's Center and Research Institute and helped his yardman help himself to a graduate student’s unsecured bike. Rao says the guy needed the bike so he could ride to the Department of Motor Vehicles office to replace a lost state ID and to go to a work site.

“I made an unfortunate mistake,” Rao explained in a written statement to colleagues after a surveillance video caught him boosting the bike. “I acted out of compassion for this nearly homeless man; but I failed to consider that the bicycle belonged to someone on our Alzheimer’s team. The bicycle was reported stolen. It has, however, since then been returned to its owner.”

Rao euphemized his action as a “failure in judgment.” The bike’s owner called it theft. Indeed.

Reports identify the other man as Vernon Waiters, whose extensive rap sheet includes several drug charges.

The video, posted on YouTube, shows what appears to be a deliberate shopping trip by the university researcher and the nearly homeless, but (as described by Rao) trustworthy and extremely hardworking co-conspirator. The video starts with someone riding a bike onto the loading dock. Next we see the two asset liberators drive up and check out the bikes parked off camera. Mr. Trustworthy chooses a bike, gives it a test ride, but returns it, only to come back on camera riding the larger mountain bike that the purloining pair put into the minivan before driving away.

The bike’s owner, a doctoral student, isn’t buying Rao’s belief that the campus VIP never meant to “bring harm, alarm, or disruption to anyone.” The student says it’s obvious what happened, and he wants Rao charged.

Rao plans to step down from his post at the end of this week, giving up his positions as senior associate veep for research, associate veep for USF Health, professor of surgery and molecular medicine, and medical director of clinical research for Tampa General Hospital.

Rao’s resignation denies the public the opportunity to see university administrators ponder a couple of points in their decision whether to slap Rao’s wrist or boot his thieving butt.

First, Rao makes a base salary of nearly $270,000 a year, which goes up to as much as $384,000 with administrative stipends. W hat would administrators do if, say, a housekeeper, making less than a tenth of Rao’s base take, took home Rao’s laptop, without permission, to apply online for a coupon for a digital TV converter, and returned the computer a few days later, undamaged and dusted?

Second is USF’s reputation within its external community. It’s a safe bet few community partners will accept errors in judgment by a medical researcher, not to mention a medical researcher who’s a bicycle thief in the eyes of his doctoral-student victim and possibly a host of other folks?

Of course, some members of the academy and the community may not have a problem with Rao’s twisted logic. They’re OK with asset liberation and wealth sharing, because they see the big picture small minds can’t grasp. They see the good in the end result. 

Breaking into your neighbor’s home to borrow some china for your weekend party is not a crime, because you broke back in and returned the plates, all clean and shiny. Taking your colleague’s car from the parking lot without permission so you can go to the bank and to the grocery story is OK, because you brought it back unscathed. Choosing not to pay your income taxes until you’re tapped to be the head taxman should not be held against you, because you paid the taxes and penalties when you were caught. And sneaking into this country is not really a crime, because you’re honest, hardworking, and ready to get your slice of the American pie.

I’m just being snarky, you may say. Indubitably. But Rao’s resignation deprives USF administrators the opportunity to place upon Rao a condition of employment that provides for a daily period of pillory on the campus quad where any and all may be snarky toward him to their hearts’ content.

OK, now that those do-gooders have moved on elsewhere, I can impart some important information for all of you deviant wastes of skin. If the idea of spending a decade or more passed around in the prison shower is the only thing that keeps you from raping or sexually assaulting children, then I have some good news for you. Pack up your bags and move to Paris. Illinois, that is. 

Here’s why. Back about a year ago, Anthony J. Boyer of Paris faced one count of predatory criminal assault of a child, which carries a mandatory prison term, and one count of aggravated criminal sexual abuse, which does not, each having to do with an 11-year-old girl. Last November, Boyer entered a guilty plea to the second charge, thereby avoiding the mandatory sentence. Still, Boyer could have landed his temptingly chubby behind behind prison walls for up to fourteen years.  

Then, on April 21, Illinois Fifth Judicial Circuit Court judge James R. Glenn sentenced Boyer to four years’ probation, along with 364 days and work release in the county jail, successful completion of a sex offender treatment program, and $5,000 in fines and costs. The judge also made Boyer pay for any counseling for the child victim, and told him to keep away from anyone under the age of 18, except for his own child, and only then with supervision. 

Now, before you pervs flinch at the thought of doing a year in the Edgar County Jail, look on the bright side. You can get out during the day and move around the community as part of your work release, stretch your legs, say “hi” to your friends, breathe clean, country air, and maybe see some little kids walking around the town square to give you something to think about when you’re in your bunk at night. Then, after a year, all you gotta do is report to your probation officer. Any other county in the country would have you dropping the soap for guys named Bubba for a very long and painful time. 

Well, that’s not entirely true. There’s that doofus judge out in Maryland who sentenced a father to four months in jail for having sex with his 1-year-old daughter for seven straight years. And, there’s that nitwit judge in Nebraska who refused to send a man to prison for raping a 13-year-old girl because she felt he was not tall enough. Then there’s the moron in Boston who gave probation to a transgendered man who raped an 11-year-old boy. Oh, yeah, that idiot judge in Alabama who gave probation to a man who admitted sodomizing his three adopted sons. 

Anyway, once you’ve done your soft time, you can mingle with others of your ilk living in Paris. Folks like Edgar Dulaney who was 62 when he assaulted a 12-year-old; Jerald Henness who was 60 years older than his 5-year-old victim; Michael Jay Howard whose victim was 6-years-old; Charles Melvin Loveless who was 41 and his victim 8; Rodney Lynn Tingley whose victim was 9 at the time of his abuse, as was Debra Toothman’s prey. A real beauty with a bad-*ss photo is Daniel Eugene Nail who was 39 when he sexually assaulted his 12-year-old victim. 

There are plenty more, such as Daniel James Barley who was 47-years-old when he lured a 10-year-old into his vehicle; and Christopher Dwayne Kennedy who was 17 when he committed two acts of sexual abuse on an 8-year-old. 

In all, Paris has 44 child-sex criminals registered with the state (www.isp.state.il.us/sor) out of a population of a bit more than 9,000. They gotta live somewhere, and in a small town, folks can keep an eye on them easier, I guess. 

Not far from the ranch is Galveston, Texas, where more than 100 of your kind walk the streets along with the other 57,400 residents. There could be a whole lot more pedophiles and sex criminals on the island, but the Texas Department of Public Safety site (https://records.txdps.state.tx.us/DPS_WEB/Sor/index.aspx) returns only the first 100 hits.  

Getting back to Paris, though, one wonders what the good folks of my hometown think about some judge putting another one of you on the streets, even if Boyer will be on a short leash for a year. One would think a small-town judge would consider the community impact of the light sentence, its affect on economic development, and the message it sends to the town’s children. 

But, maybe he doesn’t care. Justice is supposed to blind. In this case, he’s an out-of-towner from over in Charleston.